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Have you ever asked yourself what it would be like not to be able to express your feelings? For example, you are dying of thirst, there is a water tap next to you, but you are not allowed to have a glass of it because it is inconceivable to be thirsty?

This is what it feels like when you have different sexual orientation, when you feel differently gender wise. In time you realize you are attracted by something at odds with your sex or gender. You are born as Marko and you pee standing up, but instead of toy trucks, football games, guns and cars, you like playing with dolls, applying make-up, wearing jewelry, high heels. You may even play with toy trucks or football, but you still prefer Zoki to Sladjana.

The reaction is only one: “It’s bad. You shouldn’t. You must forget about it.” This is what you hear from your parents, friends and relatives from a very young age and you are getting the idea that you should not exist; you are a sinner, a disaster that should be stopped; you are not worthy as a person because you are different from everybody else. 

Imagine what is going on inside you. You know you are supposed to be attracted by Sladjana and it is okay, but you somehow like Zoki and you cannot explain it to yourself. You only know you are some kind of a monster, something that should not exist, something embarrassing, disgusting and low. 

Branded in this way by the majority, how are you supposed to grow and develop into a healthy person when you are not free to hint that you feel differently, let alone speak about it?

You believe you should cease to exist, but you don’t know why. You don’t know what your sin is because you only feel love regardless of the name, sex or gender. Love is born from the purest of hearts and there is simply no reason to denounce it. It is love you feel!

Your heart is pure. They say you should be attracted to Slagjana and not to Zoki, but there is no written manual for love. It just happens. Are we supposed to kill those who feel differently?

 Where is it written? Who wrote the rules? Where is the manual how to love and feel and who is the author?

This is the price we pay to ignorance, lack of education, closed horizons and stereotypes. This brings about unhealthy society, in spite of the fact that no one asks why it is unhealthy and instead, as always, they blame the “gay”.

It all comes down to extreme narrowmindedness. To put it  simply, being “gay” is something horrible but no reason is given as to why. We don’t even want to hear about it, let alone learn something.

We refuse to learn about it. It is the bogeyman, described with just the words “No way, it’s bad.” No explanation is given why it is bad because, actually, there is no sustainable argument. What is bad about it is just a product of ignorance and rejection to learn.

It is much easier that way. And so it happens that, on the one side, you may have a brilliant, exemplary, highly educated, renowned PhD, with numerous titles, a well-mannered, cultured, emancipated person who is humiliated and degraded only because he loves Zoki; while on the other hand, the brute, criminal, misogynic, ill-mannered bully is more respected than the former only because he has wife and children. Why? Because he is not “gay”. He does not love Zoki, but is married to Tina and beats the hell out of her, which is all right because, as a man, he is entitled to it! How absurd!

There can be no healthy society if the straight brute’s manners are acceptable and normal as opposed to all the virtues of the “gay”. 

This is the price we pay to ignorance. People know that homosexuality is something different, but refuse to learn that it is quite natural and normal.

If I were to choose between being an evil person or a “gay”, without a second thought, I would always choose the latter.  

“The views expressed herein are those of the authors and do not represent the views of MCMS and the EU.”

“The program “Sustainable Civil Society: State Funding for Civil Society Organizations” is implemented by the Macedonian Center for International Cooperation (MCMS) the Balkan Civil Society Development Network (BCSDN) and the Center for Information, Cooperation and Development of Civil Society Organizations in Slovenia (CNVOS) “

“The project is funded by the European Union”